These pictures are from 2009...Cade at 3 1/2 loved dyeing eggs, the early morning egg and treasure hunt and the victory of a few treats and C-A-N-D-Y (although as parents we did go candy free--SUGAR was creating much HAVOC during that season of life... we've loosened a bit since then) BUT friends and grandparents delivered!) Even Grady loved rolling around on the floor with plastic eggs and swiftly dumping the basket, watching them tumble and the sound of banging two together.
But what stood out the MOST was our boys worshipping... singing "Never Let Go"...one of our family favorites about how the Lord never let's go of us, I'm touched that they KNOW these words, sing them passionately and can begin to believe them. Here's the photos of us at CV Auditorium last year... just a reminder for me of what mattered in our celebrating as we foster lasting traditions... an outward picture of an inward tradition...
The Easter story IS amazing-- how Jesus defies expectations with the empty tomb.
I was touched a few years ago by "The Passion of the Christ" although graphic in images it showed the story, helping us experience it fresh, but I have to admit for many, many years this miracle was about head knowledge for me- I'd heard it before. I could count on dressing up, going to church, eating ham, partaking in candy and the egg hunt, but I personally would forget to invite Jesus into all this celebrating...missing it. He is so patient and gentle, he doesn't count the past, He just yearns for us to embrace the present. And there is something about becoming a parent that has everything going straight to my heart: a freshness in wanting to pass "truth" on, plant seeds and cultivate deep roots in faith...especially when curiosity is so raw. In the midst of a big, busy world immersed with more confusion and distractions, I believe it is only Jesus who is THE HOPE of the world!
Pastor Dave @ MontroseChurch.org had asked us to consider the image of Jesus in our lives, the picture He has for us; where the Easter story "captures" our lives and hearts, just where we are "now" and in the name of His redemptive love and grace, where we might leave some behind. This idea of "letting go", traveling a bit lighter has been a recurring theme for me on the journey...at times when life feels full and often draining, yet on the outside... I'm exactly where I've yearned to be in my life.
It's been so healthy to look closer at who He wants me to be in Him...surrendering control, admitting struggles, changing habits, relinquishing pieces of the past with heart and soul, to find the path ahead, trusting His plan, His lead to abundant life...not meager living that's just day by day.
It's been a quest for soulful simplicity, a deep yearning to be closer to the Lord in the midst of many "circumstances" that distract me in my days; fostering a need to learn how to experience rest for my soul. Quite frankly I have never been good at "still"...in fact as I think back on most of my life, I have only given myself permission or felt comfortable being "still" if I'm on vacation or sick in bed or getting my haircut or the rare mani/pedi. That's caught up with me, for I've never yearned for more stillness in Him. And I'm captured and refreshed by a few moments here and there, in the car, sitting on the couch looking out the window while chaos ensues around me.
For me, the last few years the image of "rest" was much about Mary vs. Martha, the image of sitting at the Lord's feet with raised eyes, open and eager heart and ears with living room intimacy; undistracted by the tasks or chores or people around me during the day. I constantly felt like I was failing, I was distracted, there was so much to do, someone who needed me, I was always behind, I didn't have enough help and I had such high expectations of myself that I could do it ALL. Ha!
Jesus proclaims, "Mary has chosen what is better". This image was powerful and helped nudge a sharp contrast to Martha's busy and bitter attitude of kitchen serving; where she was worn out and quick to judge others; she'd lost her center and rhythm in God's goodness. Yes Lord, I know, I know, felt SO familiar. Yet somehow everytime I tried to sit, there was another call for help, or need, sometimes my heart has been so heavy and I get discouraged about learning how to rest in the midst of these circumstances.
But something so powerful happened during this week of holy, last year, with scripture proclaimed. Hebrews 4:15-16, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses... let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need".
God has us surrounded us with real people, living in real circumstances, who are working out their faith as life happens, which produces REAL growth. He has given us authentic community to speak encouragement and truth, there was much talk about compassion, about empathy, in fact the scripture about God weeping with Mary and Martha at their loss held new power in my heart, in John 11:35, Jesus wept and was deeply moved, the bible footnote says, when words fail, tears flow. Tears have a language all their own, a tongue needs no interpreter. This touched me, I had been walking a road of tears- hormones, exhaustion, post-partum depression, my control freak, type A personality dealing in letting go and admiting weakness while providing for 2 kids, nurturing my marriage, juggling work, financial stress, family stuff, it felt like too much. Clearly I wasn't meant to do it ALL on my own.
I was "captured", this image transformed God's invitation to me to be more vulnerable with Him in my struggles and nudged to receive "mercy" and "grace" to help me in this time of need.
Speaking with a Spiritual Director helped pave the way. The old image of sitting at His feet, felt too distant, too "high priest" like for me now in the midst of this part of my journey. A new image was emerging, that of Jesus being deeply moved, like the perfect parent, quick to draw me near in the midst of my tears and struggles, in fact the image of being in His lap, rocking me, just like I rock my own children or "groan" with them in the midst of their discomfort, where words are no longer adequate and sometimes tears just need to flow. Romans 8:26 "The spirit helps us in our weakness and intercedes for us with groans words cannot express."
This felt a little more realistic in this phase in life as I struggled to carve out 20 minutes a day or moments in each week to be alone and quiet with my Heavenly Father and to hear Him. I was reassured as we "rock" back and forth, day by day, ups and downs, I was invited to be soothed and captured by His presence, living in and through me.
This fostered a profound new closeness with My Savior. It was more fluid somehow, not so drastically "still"- not just sitting in solitude without movement, but a rhythm of seeking Him amidst the daily struggles- doing life with Him, the power of the Holy spirit in our midst- in my home, in the noise and demands and only with this awareness am I able to BE more than I can BE on my own, for His glory. It reminded me to a year previous, when at MOPs the theme verse was "But you KNOW Him, for he "LIVES" with you and will be IN you. You will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you." John 14:17, 20.
For so often I kept looking on the "outside" for reassurance that I was where I was supposed to be and yet, looking deeper inward was God's design...a journey of comfort as I navigated many days in much inner solitude, and it was here I was captured by Jesus. For ONLY He knows me best and loves me most (one of my favorite lines, much thanks to Pastor Dave!)
May Jesus be the reason for your Easter season.
No comments:
Post a Comment