Growing God's Sabaroos

I've always envisioned being a mom, some how others saw it in me too during high school and college when "mom" sometimes popped up as my nickname with some chagrin, it did not help me fit in with my peers. There were the times I baked cookies or cakes for celebrations: I made David 17 dozen cookies for his 17th birthday or when I served as the designated driver in my oh so cool Ford Taurus station wagon in college. I can only hope being called "mom" wasn't just because of outward behaviors but also because of inward nurture, that I do care about other people and try to offer genuine encouragement. Yet, I expect that some of it is being the first born and a child of divorce where I learned to think quick on my feet, be capable, aware and attentive to the needs of those around me.

Parenthood is a gift, an amazing journey that I am just so thankful for and I couldn't understand it until I was in it. Frankly the days have been long and the years have been short, and we have only just begun! It's so amazing to me that our kids have taught us more about ourselves as individuals and as a couple than our lifetimes have afforded. And we try day by day to be teachable and the stewards of these precious children, but we struggle.


I never understood the depth of love or responsibility until I brought a wee baby home from the hospital and began to ponder 18 years and beyond of daily journeying. I think it's common to feel this at some point, but not as often to talk about, for as we pour so much out, we often feel parched, weary and discouraged, are we doing this well, are the seeds going to grow and is the soil we are cultivating nourishing healthy growth?

Sometimes we are just so close to it day in and day out in the daily battles of will (yes theirs but mostly ours)... for we are human. It is here that I have been learning about journeying with Jesus in my weakness. In so many ways I have become the "mom" I never wanted to be... too tired to play, frustrated enough to yell and weary enough to drown out creativity and laughter. But it's a fresh new day tomorrow and I delight in being made new each morning, a fresh start, a new gift at running this race with perserverence.



There is something special about living in a house of growing men, specifically Sabaroos. Each day is filled with tremendous zest: energy, curiosity, adventure and lots of play mixed with snuggles, competition (hopefully friendly) and noise. We are blessed with VERY happy, healthy and joyful boys.









I've been in imaginary rocket space ships, air planes, fire trucks, pirate boats, castles, ambulance, jail as well as many, many, many baseball games and races. Weekly we watch for the trash truck, street sweeper and delivery trucks. Because of motherhood I've ridden a chair lift, sled, trains, busses and planes with tremendous appreciation and awe from "fresh eyes". Because I'm a devoted mom to boys I've been learning to get messy and explore new territory...my hands have dug dirt, held a grasshopper, worms, a caterpiller and salamander and a fresh caught fish that we ate!






We love listening to music, especially country and worship, occasionally we dance around the living room but we regularly "rock out" in concert at church and at home (although David nor I have any musical talent; the boys carry us).





Daily I'm treated to head bonks, ouchies & whining, a trail of food or dirt, puddles of sticky and wet, along with piles of shredded clothes and shoes with hopes to catch moments of clean, bathed boys. Not much surprise here, right...such is the rhythm of childhood... but it's daily, which all my years of babysitting never were.

There are more days than not when I'm zapped of energy- physical and emotional and I just feel no fun. I struggle with being "responsible" and still in touch with "creative". Quite often I feel like a turtle, surrounded by hares that want to race, coax and tease. And since I'm not "good" at fast, loud or messy... these can feel so invasive, counter to the sanctuary I envisioned for my home.

We love to make breakfast together at all times of day: oatmeal, eggs, breakfast burritos, pancakes, bacon, quiche, french toast. And I love sharing cooking with my boys and nurturing my family with good, simple meals and treats: smoothies, soups, pasta, cookies and cakes.

It's easy to make it more complicated or cumbersome... but God helping me, day by day, reassures me He is my pace setter and I'm immersed in Holy Ground if I choose to see it. When I stop looking at all things "outside"- the housework that waits, the incessant noise, the dirt and the constant movement, I can remember the sweetness on the inside of those around me and where God is nudging me to dig deeper within myself to find contentment from within, to that place where he dwells within me that reassures me of His amazing goodness; bringing me so far in my journey and in placing me exactly where I'm supposed to be. Acceptence. Contentment. Joy.

My desire is to respond with heart and soul to God's call to be "Sabin Mama", to nurture and listen, being present each day to draw my family close and know their hearts. To claim the joy of being immersed in the day to day exploration of living life more freely, with childlike wonder. It's been powerfully redemptive in my own story to have a fresh glimpse at childhood: the innocence, the adventure, the silly and laughter that leads me to "happy tears" that my boys ask with openess..."are these happy tears mama?"...and I proudly respond "yes, sweeties, they are".

Cade at 4 1/2 with his spunky hair, sprinkled freckles and mischievous double dimple smile has proudly claimed Mommy is the best at kisses and snuggles; sometimes asking "If I'll ever stop kissing him?" which I firmly reply "NO, because I am your mama!" and he laughs (for now anyway). He has claimed I'm the best teacher (innocence is so sweet) and I adore how he looks at me...out of the blue... while riding his scooter, reading a story, playing legos or helping with chores and boldy looks in my eyes and says, "I LOVE YOU MOM! YOU ARE THE BEST MOMMY!" Awww.




Grady at 20 months looks at me with his big blue eyes, plump pink cheeks and golden white curls, stops at everything when I come to pick him up and runs to my open arms loudly yelling "Mah-mah, Mah-Mah, Mah-Mah! Hold yu! Hold yu! Then when HE pats me gently on the back, reaching over my shoulders with his chubby baby hands I'm touched by his subtle yet meaningful "approval" at me holding him close. Sometimes we sneak in a "nose kiss" like the eskimos do right before bedtime that makes him giggle. And he is having a word explosion right now, wanting to read books and choose activities, pointing at things and saying words as he looks me deep in the eyes to see if I understand what he's trying to tell me. I look around me, I listen and then I repeat back what I think he's eager to share and tell me. When he nods his head to show that I understand a huge grin illuminates his face. It's amazing.



Being mom, to these boys is so precious and motherhood has blessed me beyond I ever could have asked or imagined, in spite of the struggle. For when I slow down, when I am watchful, I am so in awe of who God is fostering them to be. I am relieved to think that I am just a steward of these precious gifts and the more I reliquish them back to God, spend time with Him in my days, know His rhythm and follow His lead, the better parent I am.





When my Sabaroos (all 3) pick me flowers from the garden, think I smell sweet regardless of shower and look beautiful regardless of makeup, sleep or wardrobe, when they want to snuggle up close at any opportunity, it helpes me realize how much they value the REAL me, the stuff on the inside and I'm reminded of how much they cherish my presence and love me just as I am, in the midst of the mess and my very human weakness.

For I am the heart of this home; my call as Sabin Mama to seek and trust His goodness day by day. That abiding in Him is more than sufficient and as I surrender, He will nurture me to be the Mama He envisions for me to be.